The demand for a reason often serves observers more than sufferers

Bowler observes that when people insist a tragedy must have happened for a reason, the explanation frequently comforts the person offering it more than the person enduring the hardship. A tidy cause-and-effect story restores a sense that the world is orderly and controllable, which is reassuring to bystanders frightened by the randomness of someone else's suffering. For the sufferer, though, the same explanation can feel like an accusation, implying the misfortune was earned or avoidable, or at minimum that it fits into some larger plan the sufferer simply cannot yet perceive. Bowler catalogs real reactions she received after her diagnosis, many of which functioned this way, offering explanations that made the speaker feel better while leaving her isolated in a narrative not of her choosing and unable to correct without seeming ungracious. Takeaway: before offering someone a reason for their suffering, consider whose comfort the explanation is actually serving.