Adult love is an attachment bond, not just a feeling

Johnson's foundational claim borrows directly from attachment theory, originally developed to explain infant-caregiver bonds, and applies it to adult romance: we need one person to function as a safe haven and secure base, someone whose availability we can count on without having to constantly test it. This isn't dependency to be outgrown — it's a hardwired, lifelong need.

This reframes what a "needy" partner is actually doing. Someone repeatedly checking whether their partner still cares isn't being immature; they're running a legitimate attachment system that's detecting a threat to the bond, the same system that makes an infant cry when a caregiver leaves the room.

Once love is understood as attachment rather than mere affection, conflict starts to look like something other than incompatibility. Takeaway: treat your partner's need for reassurance as a real signal, not a character flaw to be managed.